The Healing Process
It’s just over one month now since my mother passed. I can truly say that not one day has gone by that I haven’t cried at least once if not multiple times. My mother lived with my husband and I in an in-law apartment attached to our house. She was incredibly independent and private. We tried our best to honor her need for privacy. Most days I would only pop over just to quickly say hi and to be sure she was doing okay. I never really lingered for long. If there was any lingering to be done it would be when she came over to visit us. It was at those times I knew she wanted a little company.
I don’t think I was prepared for the hole in my heart and my life that losing my Mom would create. After all when I was twenty I lost my father. I had already been through losing a parent. But that was different. My Dad didn’t live with me so he was not part of my everyday routine.
The way Mom’s apartment is situated the house forms a V. Our end goes off in one direction while hers goes off in the other. From my loveseat in our living room I can look through our sliding glass door straight over to her sliding glass door and into her living room. I would see her open her blinds in the morning and know she was up and ready to start the day. Now I see darkness and no movement. It is a constant reminder that she is gone.
I’ve spent the past several weekends going through her things. Organizing rooms. Sorting through papers and photos. I’ve accomplished a lot but there is still a lot to be done. Bit by bit I am making progress. At the same time it has been painful but a job that has to get finished.
For me to help heal I have had to rearrange the apartment. Switch out paintings, move furniture etc… Leaving it exactly the way my mother had it was too depressing for me. It was like a slap in my face each time I walked in there. Now while it is still familiar with some of her things around it is different enough that it is not a constant stab in my heart.
I know that the whole healing process will take time. And a month really is not that long. And while I want the pain of loss to pass I don’t want the memories to fade!
So sorry to hear about the loss of your mom. Sending you warm thoughts during this time and I am sure all the wonderful memories will stay with you.
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Dear Liz, oh my word I know the void you feel. It will take a long time; you never get over it; you learn through time it will get somewhat easier. It took me years. PLEASE allow yourself precious time to grieve the loss of her. I encourage you to possibly rent the apartment to someone in need that can utilize the space as their home and change the darkness and emptiness you feel. Leaving it vacant is a constant reminder and in part will always be. You will never lose memories of her. When you least expect it something will trigger a joyous memory or even a sad one but one none the less.
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Thank you. It is a very slow process. My husband and I are keeping the apartment empty for talents one year to take our time to see how we feel. We may even sell the house eventually. We just don’t want to make any rash decisions.
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Liz, well I can certainly appreciate your position. Be well! Cheryl
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Reblogged this on By the Mighty Mumford and commented:
IT DOES TAKE TIME LOST MY MOM IN 1990, OCTOBER 10TH. TOOK AT LEAST 10 YEAFRS BEFORE I COULD ENJOY OCTOBER AGAIN (HAVING AN UNDERSTANDING WIFE HELPED…AS OF June 3RD, 1989!
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Jonathan thanks so much for your comment. It sounds like everyone is saying it will be a very slow process!
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Elizabeth, I’m just now reading this. Sending healing thoughts your way.
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Thank you so much! It all helps!
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Yes, it’s always hard to lose someone close to you. As others point the memories of your mother will still always be with you.
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Thanks Otto. I try to remember that at the worst moments!
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I know how difficult this is, Liz.
Just hold onto all of the wonderful memories, and know that she will always be with you.
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Thanks Lisa.
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So sad Elizabeth it makes me tear up – your memories and love fill your heart and mind, you’ll never loose that special part of your Mom and relationship. My heart goes out to you ~
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Thanks Mary. It has been very hard.
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You have enough memories to last a life time…my Mom has been gone for 14 years and still, there are not many days that I don’t think about her…but now more with smiles than with tears…you had a beautiful relationship…and you had her close…it will take awhile Liz…to let her go…
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Thanks Cheryl. I know it’s going to take a lot of time! Her apartment is a constant reminder!
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Here’s hoping the pain ends soon. Of course, the memories will live forever and that’s what you should concentrate on.
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I’m counting on that! Thank you.
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