34/365 Still Raw One Year Later

A collection of some of my Mother’s favorite things.

One year ago today was truly the worst day of my life. My mother suffered a massive stroke and I found her in her bathtub. It appears she was in her bathroom when the stroke hit and she fell back into the tub.

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My husband and I knew that there was a strong possibility that at my mother’s age and with her living with us, there would very likely come a day when we might find her. However in my wildest dreams I could not have imagined a more horrific sight. It will always haunt me and be branded into my memory forever.

I remember every step I took, every word I said and all the events of that day. Although we withdrew life support on the 7th of February, which is the official day of her death, it was the 3rd of February that is forever emblazoned in my mind.

When I found my mother she was conscious. Each time I frantically ran into the bathroom she would open her eyes and look at me but was unable to move or speak. Once in the ambulance she drifted out of consciousness, which she never again regained. I feel that once my Mom was removed from the house all the fight in her left. She was not going to die in the house and burden us with that memory. For that I am grateful. Unfortunately the memory I am left with is equally if not worse.

These past couple of days have been very tough. I have been working on finishing up the last details of settling her estate. And all the memories of that horrible day and the days that followed have come rushing back are still so very fresh and raw!

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