Missing You Terribly Mom on this First Mother’s Day Without You

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Today is Mother’s Day and the first one since losing my Mom in February. The loss is still very raw. I continue to cry here and there several times a week. The memories remain strong, which can be both good and a curse. When I go into Mom’s apartment I can vividly picture her sitting at her dining room table eating her lunch while always reading a book. Or I can picture her cooking at the stove. Every afternoon my Mom would take a nap. Sometimes when I would barge in without thinking she would be curled up on her couch. I still see that image very clearly. From my kitchen window I could see her through her bedroom window spending endless time on her computer. She was a total addict. Funny that would happen to someone who was in her late eighties. But on the other hand it was her link to people and places far away. She had reached the point where she no longer traveled or drove long distances. This was her lifeline to everything going on with her family and friends.

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I miss Mom terribly. I would go bounding over to her place in the afternoon and ask her for a treat. Generally something sweet that I wouldn’t dare keep in my own house. She was always good for some little confection. She constantly had a new hiding spot so my husband wouldn’t wipe her out when she wasn’t looking. She was funny that way.

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I can still smell the incredible meals she would whip up for herself. My mother made a habit of eating very healthy and always took the time to cook full meals for herself.

This past week while I was sick with shingles I missed her greatly. Whenever I wasn’t feeling well she would come over and ask if there was something she could cook for me or do. 54 years old and I was still coddled at times by my Mom. We all need coddling from time to time.

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A week ago I had a Friday off from work. I spent the day running countless minor errands. Those were the types of days I would have Mom come with me and we would make little pit stops all over the place. Inevitably we would stop somewhere for lunch, have a drink or two and she would tell me stories from her youth! I say youth but the stories included the years with my Dad and the friends they would play cards with! I loved to hear the stories and am so thrilled we had that time so I could learn more about her from her heyday! Needless to say that Friday I found myself countless times crying in the car as I drove from one errand to another missing her very much.

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We are coming into the season when Mom and I would hit countless garden tours. Or we would go to the Newport Flower Show, Heritage Museum, kitchen and house tours. I always loved those days and told my husband he will now have to be my partner in crime. I want to continue to enjoy these things that my Mom shared with me!

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I have written many times while my Mom was still with us about the admiration I held for her. I still have tremendous admiration for her and feel blessed that she was my Mom. She wasn’t perfect. She had her less than admirable traits like her bluntness and crankiness but that made her who she was.

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Missing you terribly Mom on this first Mother’s Day without you!

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